Day 43: Everything happens for a reason… right?

Another day of homework and the Internet. I realise that I say I am doing homework a lot, but I think I am only really productive for a small portion of it. Yes, I am learning and broadening my horizons the whole time, but actually getting words on paper (or records in a database), now that’s another story.

I met with a group for the UTS International Exchange and Study Abroad program today. We will be working on putting events together for international students so they get the most out of their experience. I thought it would be great to help out with, especially because I want to see more, so why not help organise it? After the meeting I realised it will be hard to organise events because there are so many issues with being associated with UTS. This makes sense as there are insurance issues and what not, but it makes everything a hell of a lot harder. I don’t think I’ll be able to help out like I thought, because it would mean taking on a whole new project, which I KNOW I don’t have time for.

After class this evening I had a bit of a breakdown. At the beginning of the semester I was so excited to take two postgraduate classes, and now they are just bringing me down. It isn’t even the fact that they are harder, I am just not interested in the content. The worst part is that I could have taken two easier classes that I’m sure I would have found interesting. Instead, I had to be over ambitious and take the challenging route. I must have forgotten that I came to Australia to see Australia, not to be engulfed in my classes. The other worst part is that I am realising this a week after the deadline to change classes. And the OTHER worst part is I am almost positive this will bring my GPA below 3.9, disqualifying me from Summa Cum Laude status. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason, but I am really struggling to find the good in my situation.

I tried to take my mind of school and went over to Karolina’s where we had tea and biscuits and played Jenga. It worked for a while, but when I was tired and went home, all of the thoughts came back into my head. I tried to sleep but just ended up watching Hancock in its entirety. By 1 am I was still wide awake thinking about my situation. I knew it was morning at home, so I called my dad to have him help me through my break down.

I knew he would help me, even if I was still frustrated by the end of our conversation. I tried to tell myself that everything would be alright, but I really needed to hear it from someone else. He helped reassure me that some good would come out of this, even if it was just building character by working through my challenges. I am so lucky that I can call my dad and be comforted from the other side of the world, but a physical hug from him would have made it that much more real.